Elvis, Mike or Duane?

Today is Mike's birthday and it's also Michelle's birthday.

Michelle posted this picture of the two of them on Facebook.

I said, "Oh, my!  That's the best Elvis-look photo

of Mike that I've seen!"

But.....

Jason said,

"Sorry. Not Elvis. That's Duane with dark hair."

What do YOU think?

I think maybe both!



Birthday Memories

Duane David DuBois

Born January 22, 1983

Midland, Texas

BIRTHDAY MEMORIES



DUANE IS ONE YEAR OLD! - MIDLAND, TX

BIRTHDAY #2 - MIDLAND, TX

WHAT A HAPPY BOY!

BACK IN PENNSYLVANIA FOR #3

5TH BIRTHDAY - WITH VICTORIA & DIANA JOYCE,

SCOTT LEWIS AND TEDDY WALLINGFORD

HERE'S DUANE ON HIS 6TH BIRTHDAY

AND THIS IS NUMBER 8

9 YEARS OLD - PARTY AT FUN & GAMES

GI JOE & SOMETHIN' ELSE FUN!

EVERYTHING WAS FUN FOR DUANE!

THIS IS #10 - WITH FRIENDS, FUN & GAMES AGAIN

11 YEARS OLD

FOCUSING ON THOSE CANDLES

OTHERWISE, HE'D BE MAKING A SILLY FACE!

#12 - WHAT A CREW!

BACK TO FUN & GAMES FOR THE 13TH BIRTHDAY

QUITE A HAT, HUH?

LET'S SEE - THE OTHER GUYS ARE MARK,

CURTIS, BILLY, SCOTT AND JONATHAN.

#15 - CAKE AT HOME

LOOK AT THAT SWEET FACE!

SWEET 16 (DO BOYS SAY SWEET 16? PROBABLY NOT)

THIS WAS THE HOME PARTY;

MUST BE THINKING LOFTY THOUGHTS.

THERE WAS ALSO A CELEBRATION AT RED LOBSTER,

WHICH I WROTE ABOUT IN ANOTHER POST

(FUNNY STORY!)

BIRTHDAY #17 WITH FAMILY & FRIENDS

DUANE IS 18!

19 - SILLY BROTHERS!

NEVER A DULL MOMENT WHEN THE THREE WERE TOGETHER!

AT RED LOBSTER FOR BIRTHDAY #20

JANUARY 22, 2003

You saw me before I was born.

Every day of my life was recorded in your book.

Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.

Psalm 139:16

A grave blanket and the thoughts it evoked....

I had a few ladies sitting around my dining room table last Monday morning, when I looked out the window and saw Mike bringing pine boughs onto the porch.  I knew that he was gathering them to make a grave blanket for Duane's grave.  We started buying them a few years ago.  I wish I had taken a picture of that first one.  A friend of Duane's happened to be working where I ordered it, and she created a special "Duane" blanket, complete with big safety pins and chains like he liked to wear.  I just know he liked it!  Last year, we started making them ourselves.  In today's economy, you just have to do as much as you can yourself.

These ladies and I meet every week or so.  Sometimes we watch a video and sometimes we talk about things that we're going through.  We are building relationships and helping each other grow.  We share things that we have learned from God's Word, too.  It's amazing how, by the end of our hour and a half or so, great burdens can be lifted and we know how to handle situations.  Anyway, when I saw what Mike was doing, I interrupted the conversation and asked them to pray for him, because I knew the sadness that he was experiencing.  Then we got into a conversation about how we should celebrate the life of our loved ones and be happy that they are in Heaven.  I totally agree, but that doesn't take away the sense of loss, the sadness or the grief.  

After everyone left, I felt like continuing that conversation some more, so I sent my friends an email.  I wasn't looking for a reply; just wanted to say some things.  Here's what I told them:

 

"You know, we were talking about how it is right to celebrate the life that we shared with Duane, his time, his talents, the blessings of him, celebrate that he is in Heaven, etc. ....... That is all true, and I do, but........ (and you probably all know this, but I just feel like sharing it..... women like to talk, as you know!) ..... I still grieve the loss and always will. I still miss him at every holiday. And many "normal" days. Whenever a family photo is taken, I look at it and know there is one person missing. I miss him when I look at other people's art and wonder what more he would have created here, and is creating "There." I miss him when I think of the movie "Shrek." It was one of his favorites. I miss him when I drive by what used to be Mount Tone. I miss him when I think of pottery. I think it was his favorite mode of creating. I still think of what his family would have been like today.... wife, children, etc. Of course, I also know that perhaps he was spared much heartache and that now he is living life to the fullest. But.... it will never stop hurting. I just don't talk about it much."   By that, I didn't mean that I experience "hurt" every moment, but you just never know when something will happen that causes an emotional ambush.

Over the last eight years.... nearly nine years now.... I have come far on this journey of grief.  There's a common saying that you can let life's tragedies make you "bitter" or "better."  I like to believe that, with God's help, I have gotten "better."  As much as I can, I now help others make this journey that none of us ever wanted to take in the first place.  I no longer experience the roller coaster of emotions.  I am thankful for the memories, and thankful that Duane blessed our lives.  But grief is not something you "get over."  It changes your life forever.  Life never returns to "normal."

After I sent that email to my friends, I watched the updated, expanded version of the video that Duane's friend Ken Wormuth created, "In Loving Memory of Duane DuBois."  I had myself a good cry, and then I felt better.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qCVMtaB0-74

While it's true that One Day all of our tears will be wiped away,

"and God will wipe away every tear from their eyes;

and there will no longer be any death;

there will no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain..."

~ Rev. 21:4

in this life, here and now.... sometimes, you just have to cry.

Intrigue, mystery, curious, safe....

This is another one of Duane's drawings where the subject seems to be standing in or facing light.   The last one I posted I had called "In The Light."  I haven't given this one a title, but I did ask for comments from friends and family as to what it meant to them.  Here is what I received:

"The shadows look like a bird swooping in, almost as if it's a protective shadow. But without the metaphorical view, it seems to show curiosity, he wants to know what's in those woods, or he hears something, and doesnt know whether to check it out or not. And knowing Duane, lol, he'd check it out."

My response to that was, "Yes, you're definitely right - he would check it out!"

"Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil, for thou art with me..... comes to mind first... also the images remind me of 1. a desert with dry brush aka tumbleweeds blowing about 2. a swamp that he is wallowing in as he continues towards the light at the narrow end of the darkness 3. look at the figure: the light is casting a shadow behind him, he is walking/making his way towards the light."

"I'm seein' an Island cove, on a moon-lit night and someone wading out to get a better view of the rising moon, maybe more intrigued by it or drawn to it.

And a large wave, with some sort of Aztec writing on it, is about to crash down on this person. It also looks like a bolt or rod or something is coming down out of the wave.  And the fern-like shapes on the bottom left,

I think they are leaves on the shore."

"To me it looks like the man is vulnerable, being naked in water; trusting and willing to go up the narrow path (the stream) even though surrounded by dangers (darkness and shadows); he is trusting that he will be safe; he knows he has nothing on his own to make it through; that is why his arms and hands show he is trusting God and ready to obey. Scriptures support that he is protected even when the water overtakes him."

Probably the verse my friend was thinking of was this: 

"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you, and through the rivers, they will not overwhelm you.  When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned or scorched, nor will the flame kindle upon you.  For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel,  your Savior."  Isaiah 43:2-3a Amp.  God proved this was true when He led the Israelites through the Red Sea by parting the water (Exodus chapter 14), and when he protected Daniel's friends Shadrach, Meshach and Abed-Nego when they were thrown into a fiery furnace.  They came out unharmed, not even smelling like smoke!  (See Daniel Chapter 3.)

"I didn't have the pleasure of knowing Duane. Looking at alot of his drawings, he was a very spiritual young man. In this drawing I see a young man looking towards the light. You can see the light reflecting off his face and the front of his body. He looks unsure of where he is but with his arms extended, he is giving himself up to the light. I'm sure Duane is always looking down on you and gets great pleasure at everyone discussing his drawings. You will meet again."

Yes, we will meet again and then life will be forever wonderful, as it was meant to be in the first place.  Everything will be restored.  I really like the thought that Duane is watching and listening and is still very much a part of our lives.  I often think of something I read shortly after he departed.... the idea that since, for those who believed in and trusted Christ for their salvation, "to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord" and since the Lord Jesus promised to "never leave us or forsake us" - then it follows that, if they are with Him and He is with us, then Duane can't be very far away.

 

In the Light

Some of Duane's drawings had stories behind them that I knew about; some did not.  Sometimes when I asked him what a particular drawing meant, he didn't know.... or perhaps he didn't want to share it with me.  I understand that artists sometimes draw things that represent how they feel.  It can be a release of emotion.  Sometimes he drew images that he "saw" that meant nothing to him, but they meant a whole lot to another person.  I find it interesting to learn what his art says to others.

This drawing I named "In The Light."  I asked two friends to tell me what they saw in it.  One said, "I see someone who doesn't understand who, what, or why they are... and although they feel afraid, they also secretly desire and believe in Hope."  The drawing made her think of God as searching to and fro with His flashlight (like we did when we were kids, looking for something in the dark), and stopping on this soul....  She felt that this person desired God's light shine on her (or him) and obliterate all the pain, and that this person either wanted this experience or already had it.

Don't you think that describes a lot of people?  People who do not know who, what or why they are?  I just feel like there are a lot of people who don't understand, or believe, that God created them with a specific purpose in mind.  Just like we inherited traits from our natural parents, God, our Heavenly Father, placed a seed, a little bit, some trait of himself in each person, and only by discovering what that is can we become really happy or fulfilled.  The words of an old country song pop into my head here: "I saw the light, I saw the light... no more darkness, no more night.  Now I'm so happy, no sorrow in sight.... Praise the Lord, I saw the light!" 

The thought of God searching "to and fro" brings this to mind:

"For the eyes of the LORD move to and fro throughout the earth

that He may strongly support those whose heart is completely His."

2 Chronicles 16:9, NASB

Think of that!  God is looking, searching here and there, for some whose heart is completely His, so that He may strongly support them.  Who wouldn't want to be strongly supported by God?

I have another friend who told me that she has put herself in this particular drawing many times, in her heart.  There's nothing hidden for the person in this drawing.  The glorious light finds her, even in her worst moment, and still covers her.  She thinks of humility, which is the bowing low and allowing God to expose anything in us that is not of Him, and allowing His holiness to shine on us.  Sometimes we think we can hide things from God, but there truly is no place we can go that He isn't.

Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,”
even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.

Psalm 139:7-12 (NIV)

I hope that this is a comforting thought, not a fearful one.  God is love.  His mercies are new every morning.  The Amplified version of the Bible tells us that God's "compassions fail not... they are new every morning; great and abundant is Your stability and faithfulness." (Lam. 3:23.)

May this drawing encourage you to allow God's light to shine on you.

May you believe in Hope.

May the Lord make his face shine on you

and be gracious to you;

May He turn his face toward you

and give you peace.

From Numbers 6:25-26 (NIV)

The key to a successful, meaningful life....

I could have called this post "Thoughts from a big brother."  Chris wrote this a few days after Duane went Home:

More than one person has said to me, "What a waste...to die so young."  And I can't help but feel irritated by this logic...to imply that the key to a successful, meaningful life is a long one.  None of us are guaranteed a long life and many people live many years and waste too many days.  We should all take a bit from the way Duane lived.  Take the time to know people the way Duane did.  And love and appreciate the differences in people the way Duey did.  Duane meant so much to so many people and we will miss the experiences that we might have shared; however, his life was not wasted but in fact he used it very efficiently, and he will continue to live through the way our lives have changed because of his life...and because of his death.  I think anyone that knew and loved Duane looks at life differently now.  He never earned a college education, he never made sixty thousand dollars a year, he was always broke and we teased him relentlessly about his beat up cars.  But he was a very wealthy young man with vast riches invested in friendship and family, far more wealthy than many ninety-year-old men and women, more wealthy than his thirty-one-year-old big brother.  Duey will continue to live in our memories and the choice is yours and mine as to how we will apply the lessons that he taught us.  ~Chris DuBois

Duane's Hats

It has been over two months since I wrote a post, and I keep thinking of a suggestion that my sister gave me for something to write about - Duane's hats.  I went back through photos to see what I could find, and here are the results.  Let's see how many you remember seeing him wear. 

This one is purely functional - keeping the head warm!

Duane always loved winter sports.

Does anyone have photos of him at Mt. Tone?

Chicago White Sox?

This one is my favorite - what fun he had with that hat!

This was at Kingdom Bound, Darien Lake.

Duane with two hats!

Steeler's hat - he's really concentrating on something here.

I think that's the Steeler's hat again - he's at the airport

in Newburgh, leaving to visit Darren in Florida.

A fan of Weezer, an American alternative rock band.

Can't quite read this one.

Outside church with Alex, one of my "Job Corps sons."
(Alex, where are you now?)

 

Stylish, floppy wide-brimmed - above and below.

This was a favorite - the multi-colored knit hat.

Here he is on his 8th grade class trip.

That hat is now in the possession of one of his dear friends.

With a couple of his best friends on a youth trip.

Taken at a family Christmas dinner.

This one is obvious - the guys are goin' huntin'!

Don't they look mean?

Thinking about these hats got me thinking about hats in general.  Hats can be just for fun, they can make a statement, they can keep the sun out of your eyes, bugs or rain off your head, keep your head warm, disguise a bad hair day, or just for style.  Whenever I wear a hat, it is for protection from cold or rain.

When I think of the need for protection, I think of Duane's "Safe" drawing. 

Safe in the Everlasting Arms

The eternal God is your refuge, and his everlasting arms are under you.

Deut. 33:27, NLT

Here is where I go for protection from every harm:

Psalm 91:

¹ Those who go to God Most High for safety
will be protected by the Almighty.
² I will say to the Lord, "You are my place of safety and protection.
You are my God and I trust you."

³ God will save you from hidden traps
and from deadly diseases.
⁴ He will cover you with his feathers,
and under his wings you can hide.
His truth will be your shield and protection.
⁵ You will not fear any danger by night
or an arrow during the day.
⁶ You will not be afraid of diseases that come in the dark
or sickness that strikes at noon.
⁷ At your side one thousand people may die,
or even ten thousand right beside you,
but you will not be hurt.
⁸ You will only watch
and see the wicked punished.

⁹ The Lord is your protection;
you have made God Most High your place of safety.
¹⁰ Nothing bad will happen to you;
no disaster will come to your home.
¹¹ He has put his angels in charge of you
to watch over you wherever you go.
¹² They will catch you in their hands
so that you will not hit your foot on a rock.
¹³ You will walk on lions and cobras;
you will step on strong lions and snakes.

¹⁴ The Lord says, "Whoever loves me, I will save.
I will protect those who know me.
¹⁵ They will call to me, and I will answer them.
I will be with them in trouble;
I will rescue them and honor them.
¹⁶ I will give them a long, full life,
and they will see how I can save."

Those are great and precious promises!  Do I believe them?  Absolutely!  Some might say to me, "But disaster did come near your home."  Yes, it did.  But I do not base my faith on my experiences in life, but rather in God's Word.  Can I answer all the "Why's"?  No.  But I know that if there seems to be a failure with receiving a promise, the failure is on my side and not God's.  I pray this Psalm and the promises in it for my family and loved ones daily now, and I expect them to be kept safe.