Eleven Years

Duane and a Few of His Drawings

Today, it has been eleven years since Duane’s earthly life ended and he took Jesus by the hand and went into the presence of Father God.  On that Palm Sunday, I and other members of our church called “Acts 1:8” prayed that he would rise from the dead and return to this earthly life, but instead, he truly rose into a greater life than we here can yet imagine.  It began a life where his creativity now honors Father God.  This is the first year since 2003 that Palm Sunday fell on April 13.  I don't know if there is any significance to that, but now, eleven years later, I am still receiving tributes to Duane from his friends.  Some tributes are shared directly with me and some are placed on his Facebook page, Friends of Duane David DuBois. https://www.facebook.com/groups/122434586262/

I want to share some of these tributes with you.  One was in the form of an email from Nicole, one a Facebook message from Amanda, and two were poems written when I asked for memories, thoughts or other contributions on his last birthday in January.  Jamie DuMond wrote one and Stefany Nicole wrote the other.  First, I share the poems.

"Too Soon" by Jamie DuMond

To the greatest man I knew

The good die young

God always has a plan

Here we stand

Missing you

Stronger for knowing you

We've been through hell

You helped us through

We fight on

Someday we will meet again

I remember the day I heard

Another angel was getting his wings

Lost a lot that day

Lost a lot the years that followed

Ups and downs

Still you help push me through

Its been too long

Since I've been around

Missed so much

Wishing you were still here

Because of it all I am a better man

Your ways made me better

For that I thank you

We miss you, bud, we love you

You'll always be with us

In our hearts, our thoughts and souls

Guiding us, watching out for us

Till then

I'm gonna sit right here on your stone bench and drink a beer

This one's for you.

********************************

“I Thought About You Today” by Stefany Nichole

I thought about you today.

I thought about your smile, the way you laughed.

You were an amazing person in every single way.

So caring, so true.

There is never a day that passes without me missing you.

I know some day I will see you again.

Until that day comes,

My heart and memory are where I'll keep you, my friend.

**********************************

Nicole shared with me in an email that, even after eleven years, she still keeps Duane’s picture in her room, and says “Good morning” to him every morning and “Good night” every night.  It makes me proud to realize that Duane made such an impact on people that he is still so much missed.  I think one of Duane's characteristics that made him so endeared to so many was the way he accepted and loved everyone, regardless of their age, color, physical characteristics, religion or any other aspect about the outside of them.  He was as comfortable being friends with adults as with young children or his peers.  He really wanted to be accepted the same way by others.  Remember how he liked to wear gothic style clothes, and those weird contact lenses?

Amanda shared this story with me in a Facebook message conversation I was having with her recently:  "When I first started going to Acts 1:8, Duane, Patrick and I sat together in the back. It might have been my first or second time. I will never forget he had his lip ring in, wearing a backwards hat and T-shirt of a band. I asked him about what did the other people say about how he dressed in church. I will NEVER EVER forget his answer, 'Amanda, I know they don't think I dress appropriate for church, but it's not what I wear that makes me a Christian. It's what is in my heart and that I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord & Savior. Don't be afraid to wear what you want, you know what is in your heart.'  That has stuck with me for the last 12 yrs."  

Thank you, Jamie and Stefany, for writing your poems in honor of Duane.  Thank you, Nicole, for keeping in touch with me.  When I communicate with you or any of Duane's friends, I feel in touch with him as well.  And thank you, Amanda, for sharing that story with me.  I was so very happy to learn about the influence that Duane had on you in accepting Jesus as your Lord and Savior.  There's nothing more important than that.  That is fruit that remains for eternity.

I knew, as Duane knew, that not everyone approved of his outward appearance.  But he had it right.  God Himself looks not on our outward appearance, but at what is inside of each and every one of us.  

Eternal One (God, to Samuel when Samuel was trying to determine which man God had chosen as King):  Take no notice of his looks or his height. He is not the one, for the Eternal One does not pay attention to what humans value.  Humans only care about the external appearance,

but the Eternal considers the inner character.

1 Samuel 16:7, The Voice

A couple days ago, I found a poster that I really liked and shared it on my Facebook wall.  It said, "At the end of the day, the only questions I will ask myself are.... Did I love enough?  Did I laugh enough?  Did I make a difference?" Based on what his friends tell me, Duane could have answered "Yes" to all three questions.

Eternal Life

Ten years.  A decade since we've looked into your eyes, heard your voice, felt your touch.  Ten years.  And yet you live on in our memories, in our thoughts, through our love.  You live on in the ways that knowing you changed us forever, just by the influence you had on us.  We talk about you with words like "kind," "sweet," "unforgettable," "awesome," "caring," "honest," "truthful, "quite the pistol!"

One of the words most often used when talking about you is "funny."  How you loved to make people laugh, and so many of our memories involve laughter. 

There's the memory of you singing "Rubber Ducky" at an audition for a school play and cracking everyone up.  And then the laughter at your acting debut as Monroe Dunwoody in "Clockwork."  What a riot you were!

You loved being out with your friends, and playing pool at Lakewood Lodge.  How you must have laughed when someone besides you left with a chalked blue nose!

You laughed with everyone.... your brothers....

....and your life-long buddy Scott.....

....well, everywhere you went, you spread laughter....

 

Thanks, Duane, for all the joy and laugh-filled memories you gave us... you were good medicine.  :-)

"A joyful heart is good medicine..."  Proverbs 17:22a

 

But ten years is just a "blink of the eye" in view of eternity.  So even better than all those good memories is the sure knowledge that you live on in that Place that is even more real than this one.  It's just the other side of that thin veil that separates Heaven and earth, and if we believe, we will see you again.  We have the word of the One Who never lies on that.

 

"I tell you the truth, those who listen to my message and believe in God who sent me have eternal life. They will never be condemned for their sins, but they have already passed from death into life.

~  Jesus in John 5:24

Changing my thoughts to dancing....

This morning, I'll go pick up a bouquet of crazy daisies to put by "the tree." 

I woke up earlier this morning than I usually do.  Wished I could have gone back to sleep, but the memories from nine years ago are too fresh.  Why don't they fade, just a little?  Nine years.  But it seems like yesterday.

Well, not really.  Today, I can think about what I'm thinking about, and change it.  Back then, I couldn't change my thoughts.  I was living them. 

Life is a "new normal" now.  That happens after a while.  It can take longer than you thought.  Life never goes back to "normal."  Normal thoughts today might have included seeing Duane and another daughter-in-law and more grandchildren than we have.  Instead, that thought I just had brings to mind Kenny Chesney's song, "Who You'd Be Today."

OK.  That's enough.  No profound thoughts or lessons today - except the one that I just made.  I can change what I'm thinking about.  Guess I'll go make coffee.  And, Duane, I'll look and listen for signs of your presence today.  After all, remember that conversation we had right outside the window where I'm sitting?  Heaven isn't that far away.  I wonder what that sunset last night looked like from your perspective.  And I wonder what you're doing today.  Maybe you'll be smiling at my crazy daisies.  Or (just thought of another song, "Fields of Grace" by Big Daddy Weave) maybe you'll be dancing with Father God in a whole field of them!  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m1aRrpt3JYw  Cool!  Now I'm dancin' too!

Think about the things of heaven, not the things of earth.

Colossians 3:2, New Living Translation

Elvis, Mike or Duane?

Today is Mike's birthday and it's also Michelle's birthday.

Michelle posted this picture of the two of them on Facebook.

I said, "Oh, my!  That's the best Elvis-look photo

of Mike that I've seen!"

But.....

Jason said,

"Sorry. Not Elvis. That's Duane with dark hair."

What do YOU think?

I think maybe both!



Birthday Memories

Duane David DuBois

Born January 22, 1983

Midland, Texas

BIRTHDAY MEMORIES



DUANE IS ONE YEAR OLD! - MIDLAND, TX

BIRTHDAY #2 - MIDLAND, TX

WHAT A HAPPY BOY!

BACK IN PENNSYLVANIA FOR #3

5TH BIRTHDAY - WITH VICTORIA & DIANA JOYCE,

SCOTT LEWIS AND TEDDY WALLINGFORD

HERE'S DUANE ON HIS 6TH BIRTHDAY

AND THIS IS NUMBER 8

9 YEARS OLD - PARTY AT FUN & GAMES

GI JOE & SOMETHIN' ELSE FUN!

EVERYTHING WAS FUN FOR DUANE!

THIS IS #10 - WITH FRIENDS, FUN & GAMES AGAIN

11 YEARS OLD

FOCUSING ON THOSE CANDLES

OTHERWISE, HE'D BE MAKING A SILLY FACE!

#12 - WHAT A CREW!

BACK TO FUN & GAMES FOR THE 13TH BIRTHDAY

QUITE A HAT, HUH?

LET'S SEE - THE OTHER GUYS ARE MARK,

CURTIS, BILLY, SCOTT AND JONATHAN.

#15 - CAKE AT HOME

LOOK AT THAT SWEET FACE!

SWEET 16 (DO BOYS SAY SWEET 16? PROBABLY NOT)

THIS WAS THE HOME PARTY;

MUST BE THINKING LOFTY THOUGHTS.

THERE WAS ALSO A CELEBRATION AT RED LOBSTER,

WHICH I WROTE ABOUT IN ANOTHER POST

(FUNNY STORY!)

BIRTHDAY #17 WITH FAMILY & FRIENDS

DUANE IS 18!

19 - SILLY BROTHERS!

NEVER A DULL MOMENT WHEN THE THREE WERE TOGETHER!

AT RED LOBSTER FOR BIRTHDAY #20

JANUARY 22, 2003

You saw me before I was born.

Every day of my life was recorded in your book.

Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.

Psalm 139:16

A grave blanket and the thoughts it evoked....

I had a few ladies sitting around my dining room table last Monday morning, when I looked out the window and saw Mike bringing pine boughs onto the porch.  I knew that he was gathering them to make a grave blanket for Duane's grave.  We started buying them a few years ago.  I wish I had taken a picture of that first one.  A friend of Duane's happened to be working where I ordered it, and she created a special "Duane" blanket, complete with big safety pins and chains like he liked to wear.  I just know he liked it!  Last year, we started making them ourselves.  In today's economy, you just have to do as much as you can yourself.

These ladies and I meet every week or so.  Sometimes we watch a video and sometimes we talk about things that we're going through.  We are building relationships and helping each other grow.  We share things that we have learned from God's Word, too.  It's amazing how, by the end of our hour and a half or so, great burdens can be lifted and we know how to handle situations.  Anyway, when I saw what Mike was doing, I interrupted the conversation and asked them to pray for him, because I knew the sadness that he was experiencing.  Then we got into a conversation about how we should celebrate the life of our loved ones and be happy that they are in Heaven.  I totally agree, but that doesn't take away the sense of loss, the sadness or the grief.  

After everyone left, I felt like continuing that conversation some more, so I sent my friends an email.  I wasn't looking for a reply; just wanted to say some things.  Here's what I told them:

 

"You know, we were talking about how it is right to celebrate the life that we shared with Duane, his time, his talents, the blessings of him, celebrate that he is in Heaven, etc. ....... That is all true, and I do, but........ (and you probably all know this, but I just feel like sharing it..... women like to talk, as you know!) ..... I still grieve the loss and always will. I still miss him at every holiday. And many "normal" days. Whenever a family photo is taken, I look at it and know there is one person missing. I miss him when I look at other people's art and wonder what more he would have created here, and is creating "There." I miss him when I think of the movie "Shrek." It was one of his favorites. I miss him when I drive by what used to be Mount Tone. I miss him when I think of pottery. I think it was his favorite mode of creating. I still think of what his family would have been like today.... wife, children, etc. Of course, I also know that perhaps he was spared much heartache and that now he is living life to the fullest. But.... it will never stop hurting. I just don't talk about it much."   By that, I didn't mean that I experience "hurt" every moment, but you just never know when something will happen that causes an emotional ambush.

Over the last eight years.... nearly nine years now.... I have come far on this journey of grief.  There's a common saying that you can let life's tragedies make you "bitter" or "better."  I like to believe that, with God's help, I have gotten "better."  As much as I can, I now help others make this journey that none of us ever wanted to take in the first place.  I no longer experience the roller coaster of emotions.  I am thankful for the memories, and thankful that Duane blessed our lives.  But grief is not something you "get over."  It changes your life forever.  Life never returns to "normal."

After I sent that email to my friends, I watched the updated, expanded version of the video that Duane's friend Ken Wormuth created, "In Loving Memory of Duane DuBois."  I had myself a good cry, and then I felt better.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qCVMtaB0-74

While it's true that One Day all of our tears will be wiped away,

"and God will wipe away every tear from their eyes;

and there will no longer be any death;

there will no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain..."

~ Rev. 21:4

in this life, here and now.... sometimes, you just have to cry.

Intrigue, mystery, curious, safe....

This is another one of Duane's drawings where the subject seems to be standing in or facing light.   The last one I posted I had called "In The Light."  I haven't given this one a title, but I did ask for comments from friends and family as to what it meant to them.  Here is what I received:

"The shadows look like a bird swooping in, almost as if it's a protective shadow. But without the metaphorical view, it seems to show curiosity, he wants to know what's in those woods, or he hears something, and doesnt know whether to check it out or not. And knowing Duane, lol, he'd check it out."

My response to that was, "Yes, you're definitely right - he would check it out!"

"Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil, for thou art with me..... comes to mind first... also the images remind me of 1. a desert with dry brush aka tumbleweeds blowing about 2. a swamp that he is wallowing in as he continues towards the light at the narrow end of the darkness 3. look at the figure: the light is casting a shadow behind him, he is walking/making his way towards the light."

"I'm seein' an Island cove, on a moon-lit night and someone wading out to get a better view of the rising moon, maybe more intrigued by it or drawn to it.

And a large wave, with some sort of Aztec writing on it, is about to crash down on this person. It also looks like a bolt or rod or something is coming down out of the wave.  And the fern-like shapes on the bottom left,

I think they are leaves on the shore."

"To me it looks like the man is vulnerable, being naked in water; trusting and willing to go up the narrow path (the stream) even though surrounded by dangers (darkness and shadows); he is trusting that he will be safe; he knows he has nothing on his own to make it through; that is why his arms and hands show he is trusting God and ready to obey. Scriptures support that he is protected even when the water overtakes him."

Probably the verse my friend was thinking of was this: 

"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you, and through the rivers, they will not overwhelm you.  When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned or scorched, nor will the flame kindle upon you.  For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel,  your Savior."  Isaiah 43:2-3a Amp.  God proved this was true when He led the Israelites through the Red Sea by parting the water (Exodus chapter 14), and when he protected Daniel's friends Shadrach, Meshach and Abed-Nego when they were thrown into a fiery furnace.  They came out unharmed, not even smelling like smoke!  (See Daniel Chapter 3.)

"I didn't have the pleasure of knowing Duane. Looking at alot of his drawings, he was a very spiritual young man. In this drawing I see a young man looking towards the light. You can see the light reflecting off his face and the front of his body. He looks unsure of where he is but with his arms extended, he is giving himself up to the light. I'm sure Duane is always looking down on you and gets great pleasure at everyone discussing his drawings. You will meet again."

Yes, we will meet again and then life will be forever wonderful, as it was meant to be in the first place.  Everything will be restored.  I really like the thought that Duane is watching and listening and is still very much a part of our lives.  I often think of something I read shortly after he departed.... the idea that since, for those who believed in and trusted Christ for their salvation, "to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord" and since the Lord Jesus promised to "never leave us or forsake us" - then it follows that, if they are with Him and He is with us, then Duane can't be very far away.